Stroke your ego?

Wow, been a while since I got on here and put words to the page... I am not gone, just getting some perspective.
I am working on new material these days. I am feeling the jazz vibe from this new song. I got the basics of it all written, just needs polishing, and a good rhythm section. This makes me one step closer to being ready to really lay down my new LP. I kinda want it all to be new material, so that it is closer to the direction I see myself going.
 So since it has been a while since I played out, I hit up a blues jam last night. It was fun. Decent players, nice big stage... and by the end of my time, there were 4, yes 4 horn players... something that is a nice treat I don't get to jam with often. :)  I felt like I was off a bit, but not sure anyone but me noticed. By the time I got warmed up, it was over. That is the thing about jams... too short. Still all in all it was fun, and I am glad I went. I need more lead time playing live, in different situations, so going out and jamming is good for me, despite the fact that sometimes I wonder if it isn't just one big ego stroke. Don't get me wrong, I like my ego stroked (who doesn't?) but my ego is fine without the stroking.
 Jams have been hit or miss for me... sometimes I am welcomed with open arms, other times I am told... Oh, well get you up later, and just brushed off till the whole place is cleared out, or they run out of time. So I never know if they are going to welcome me, or treat me like a nuisance. Whatever, it's all experience and isn't that what life is about? Besides, those bad experiences have given me songs... so it did not slow me down! I always keep on keepin' on!

How to have a better life...

So today someone told me, "If you do ___ maybe your life would turn around."

Yeah that did not sit well with me. It did not piss me off mind you, just rubbed me a bit wrong. What is so wrong about my life?

IS my life perfect??? No, but what is perfect anyway? What might be perfect for me, might be hell for another. I'd like some thing to be a bit different, but life is never done. It is always changing... so there is always time, unless you croak. So I have an idea of why that statement was made, because I am not married, with a high paying job, a house I own or are paying off, you know the things OTHER people think I 'SHOULD' have. Well lets see...

I have a roof over my head...
A child who is smart, funny, cool, and who I love with all my might, and who loves me back with the same might.
I have food.
I have clean water.
I have nice clothes.
I have a decent body.
I have my health.
I have a studio stocked with almost anything I could want to make things with.
I have 5 guitars.
I have a car to drive.
It has some gas in it.
I have an education.
I am smart.
I have a lot of talents.
I have music.
I have art.
I have metal. And gems. And beads. And stones. AND AND AND
I have a strong heart, both emotionally and physically.
I live in a beautiful city.
I have mountains to climb.
I have peace in my mind and heart.
I have great friends and make new ones all the time.
I have family.
I have my sanity.
I have my spirituality.
There is so much more... but I honesty have a LOT to be grateful for.

What others think of my life is of no matter to me. You might see my life as something that is not that great, I see it as pretty darn good. With a few things that need to be changed, but I am working on those... and with gratitude, those things will fall into place better.

So how do you make a better life???

Notice how great the one you have is....

Namaste~

Why do we spread fear?

So seeing a post of a friends wall today on facebook made me think about spreading fear. It was a 'warning' type of post. Now, it might be 'true' to some, but honestly I wonder why do we feel the need to spread fear??? I see a lot more of these kinds of posts than positive, love giving posts. Well, that is not totally true, because I have joined a lot of pages that are very positive, and I get a lot of those posts. The negative ones are now only coming from people on my facebook. Most days lately I just scroll by them, and try not to give them any real focus. But this particular one caught my eye, because it was about a ruse with a crying boy, for rape gangs. Yeah, kids, rape, all that stuff, really tends to get my attention. But, after reading it, I wondered why do we share such things. Do we really want all our friends in constant fear? I thought that was only used by the media and military.

So that makes me ask, why do we embrace fear more readily than love? It is not our natural state, and what you focus on gets bigger, so WHY focus on fear? Why not put as much focus on love as possible? I really have no concrete answers, other than fear really gets your attention, because it is a negative emotion. But why does love not get more attention??? I mean it is a feel good feeling. Makes you feel amazing, as if you can do anything. Why would we not want to focus on that instead?

I know most do not understand the law of attraction, so they are reacting all the time on a default setting. Sometimes I want to tell them, but I am learning that not everyone is ready to accept they are creating all that they encounter. Till then I will keep pondering the nature of humans, the universe, love, attraction, and scroll past the posts that do not support what I know to be true.

From my soul to yours!
Namaste~

Are we born sinners??

So, since it is good Friday and all, (I really did not realize this until someone mentioned it, because I do not really pay attention to religions anymore) I figured I would address some things about this day, and those that follow it.

So the concept I want to tackle right now, is "born sinners".

The idea is that we are all born sinners, and the only way to get into heaven when we die, is by accepting Jesus as our lord and savior and the son of god. So the best way to tackle this I believe is to break it all down, piece by piece.

We are born... Okay that part I agree with, you have a body, then you were born into the physical reality we share right now.WE are born sinners... this is where you lose me completely. I do not see how a baby even CAN sin.. not to mention, WHO decides what is a sin and what is not? Some book written by men who were scared of women having power? God? You? Me? There really is no answer, because there is no such thing as sin. Yes I said it, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SIN. What is wrong for you might be perfectly great for another. Now before your head explodes, let me explain some things.

First, we are not bodies, with a spirit, as most seem to think. We are spiritual beings, that CHOSE to come here to incarnate into the physical bodies we are in right now. We are eternal, source energy. Now, tell me how source energy, can possible be "bad" in ANY way. Does this mean I support anything anyone does, no matter how crappy the action is??? No, I do not. But I DO understand things from a higher perspective than most are viewing life from. So being that we are eternal beings that come from source energy, there is no way we even COULD be "evil" in any way. So that debunks the whole "you were born wrong, and need me" argument of why Jesus came to earth. He came to be great creator of his reality, just as you and I have. The difference is that he remembered this. Most of *US* do not.

Now moving on the the concept that heaven must be gained admission to with some kind of pass, earned here on earth while alive. Jesus said, "the kingdom of heaven is inside you"... he did not mean heaven as in some place you can only get to when you croak. What that statement meant was, all that you are searching for is INSIDE you. Once you open yourself up to that source energy, when you release the resistance to it, you find the most astounding happiness, and THAT was what he was talking about. Why would we come and incarnate, just to suffer till death when we can become pure love again??? We already were pure love, so why incarnate at all, just to suffer?

Now some say, he was the light of God, and you would be right.. but what is usually missed, is that we are ALL lights of God. YES, ALL OF US!!! Even the ones we do not want to see as lights of God. Everyone comes with gifts, everyone comes from pure source energy, pure love. What creates discord, is when we go against what our soul or source energy knows to be true.

"God made man in his image"
So most think that means god looks like us... like a white dude with a beard usually... for some reason people tend to think that is who is most god-like? In anycase, this scripture was mis-interpreted as well. God DID make man in his image, however it was not a physical image this is talking about.  What is actually means is.. we are all great creators, just as God is. We create reality, every one of us, is creating out world around us, ALL THE TIME. We are all God's and Goddesses in our own rights.

So I can't change your beliefs, but maybe I CAN make you think about your relationship with God, yourself, and think about the idea, that maybe you are not "bad" in need to saving, but just disconnected, and in need of reconnecting with yourself, and your source energy.

From my soul to yours....
Namaste~

Vision

Today, I really realized, that one of my big visions for myself has come to life. About 14 years ago, I had an idea to do music in the studio, with me playing ALL the parts... well at the time I only sang and played rhythm guitar. I had been a drummer for a number of years, but I did not own a set. I did not even have a decent amp. All I had was talent, drive, and a great idea.  I was living in a room rental that was not horrible, but certainly not great, so I was not exactly in the best circumstances. But like some of the things I am realizing lately, sometimes it is when things are at their worst, that they are actually at their best. A lot of big desire comes from hard times. For me it was to have a studio of my own, and to be my own band in it.

Well that day is here, now. My studio could stand some upgrades for sure, BUT I am there! I am where I wanted to be all those years ago. And now my music is more satisfying than it ever was before. Now I get my vision much clearer, rather than settling for whatever someone thinks it should sound like. I am grateful for where I am now, even though doing this is a TON of work. In the end it is all worth it, not only for me to get the sound I am after, but the realization that I made one of my bigger dreams come true, and I did not push it... I just followed naturally towards it. Now I am playing guitar, rhythm and lead, and doing really good leads... singing well, doing harmonies, playing solid and different drum lines, and holding it down on bass, in the pocket.

Do I want to keep it just me forever??? Probably not, there are things I want to do in the future that will require I work with other people, but for now I am enjoying the process, writing new music, from a new viewpoint. I think I am right on track for where I should be for now.

I am recording, booking gigs, writing... I am pretty much enmeshed in music, and loving getting back to being more authentically me.

Studio time...

I've been doing a bit of recording lately(okay a lot), and writing new stuff. Now that I have an electric drum kit, I am now playing my drum parts. Being that I am a stickler for the drums being perfect, it is taking a bit longer than programming... at least this last song has been, because there are a ton of stops, and I want everything just so. And I have not been a regular drummer in many years, so there is a good bit of rust on my playing, but I am getting the job done, and it is GREAT to think about and play with different beats to really pick something that makes the song work.

I am starting a weekly gig at a coffee house downtown, every Sunday afternoon, so that should be fun! My first regular gig in this city.... well since I was a teen playing all over the place, but that was back in the 80's (yeah my age is hanging out lol) I really was just a kid, playing all kinds of shows. I was also a full time drummer back then.

I put some feelers out for other musicians to form a band with, but so far nothing worth pursuing yet. I am not settling for less than amazing, so I don't expect for people to just fall from the sky in droves or anything... but I think my solo performance will be so much better than it ever has been, not having a band is not gonna hold me back at all.

New music is on the horizon, so stay tuned in and ready. :D

The can't all be good

So I have been on a roll, of feeling really great! Doing all my inner work, meditating, reading, working out, eating better... all that stuff is great, but then there's the relationship stuff. I'd rather really just forget there are such things at this point, but I know that's not gonna happen. You need people around you.... although I do not need a man in my life. Not in the romantic sense... not sure that I am done with that, but I am certainly taking a nice long break to figure out why I keep attracting essentially the same crap over and over.

Normally moving on from a relationship sucks... but when there is a kid involved, and an abusive ex... things get stupid really quick. I am feeling the pressure these days... I have not received child support in, well going on two years really. Although I did get some last year, one time... only because they took tax return money to pay some of the back support. So he's an asshat, cause supposedly he owns two businesses that are doing well... but I already knew he was an asshat... that's why I kicked his sorry ass out!

Of course, do I go on and find a good man? Well sort of, but not really. The next one was not abusive, just totally unavailable emotionally, and totally misrepresented who he was. I am clear who I am, and I was totally upfront about it... but a year and a half later, and they guy decides, maybe he wants to be single, and he does not like the city (where we live and met). Of I am honest, the relationship was hardly fulfilling anyway... I give up. At least for a while. I have no clue how to trust a relationship type thing right now anyway.

So here I am jobless, about to have to move out of my apt, and not sure what I am gonna do, how I am gonna support my son and I, where I will go... everything feels so huge right now.

I guess they can't all be good days...